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How to Become a Conflict Resolution Ninja

You know the feeling that comes over you when you’re out of connection with someone you love? 

It’s that place where everything feels a bit off in your world. It spills into every area of your life and in general just messes with your peace.

Then the inner dance begins.

You go back and forth in your mind debating how to approach the other person, asking yourself what the right words are, how to start, how to speak your truth, and how to hear their’s without becoming defensive.

You’re afraid that you might hear, or say, something you’d rather not.

You run through endless conversations in your mind – creating responses to (defenses for) everything they might say. Or maybe you don’t even get that far, because what you really want is to avoid dealing with this altogether. (Can we just move past all this and get straight back to harmony, thanks?)

Relationships naturally lead us into these places, and the desire to cut and run is strong. So how do we stay and find our way back into authentic, loving connection?

With the right approach, you can leapfrog over what you thought you were afraid of (not being loved), and land firmly in the truth that you are love, that you matter, and that everyone is swimming in the same turbulent water.  We all want to move out of conflict and back into connection.

Play with these 3 steps – and watch your relationships transform:

Stay, Trust and Listen With an Open Heart

There is a sense of safety that comes when you lean into your relationships and trust that you are loved unconditionally, and worthy of being heard. Once you decide this for yourself – it becomes a given.

From here you are empowered to draw on your courage, and stay with the discomfort of difficult conversation. If you keep your heart open in this place, your healthy relationships will deepen, and you will naturally move away from the ones that don’t serve you.

Connect with Your Inherent Goodness

Okay, so what about when we don’t like what we hear? When we feel judged, or begin judging ourselves?

Try this: “I am inherently good. Even when I’m getting it wrong, I am fucking amazing.” Because you are.

The goal is not perfection, it is love. For self, and for other. If you decide to love all of yourself – including your shortcomings, others will trust you to hold them that way as well, and your connection with them will become sacred, safe and sure.

Creating intimacy from this place becomes a natural creative process that allows you to sense and respond together as the conversation unfolds, rather than trying to predict and control it before it begins.

Stay Focused on What You Want to Create

It is so tempting to get sidetracked in conflict when buttons get pushed. So easy to get pulled into past hurts, blame, judgment, anger, fear, defensiveness. And the oh-so-seductive need to be right.

Like moths to a flame, we’re drawn to the shields we use to protect ourselves.

This is where it becomes critical to keep your eye on the ball. What is the ultimate intention? What’s wanting to happen? What if this is an opportunity to:

  • deepen your understanding of yourself
  • deepen your understanding of the other
  • build your capacity to be in powerful conversation
  • choose something richer than self-protection – the liberating kind of connection that happens when you bring no bullshit authenticity and vulnerability to the table
  • restore harmony – on a new level that is only possible when you are committed to growing in the conflict
The more you practice meeting conflict in this way, the more you will become a love wielding, demon slaying conflict resolution Ninja!

Come and Get Your Relationship Superpowertools

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