The Art of Living Attuned

An Exercise in Creating the Life You Want

Posted on May 10, 2012 by Liz

Have you ever found yourself thinking: “If only x, y or z were different, then there would be nothing in the way of my perfect life.”?

Often when some part of our life is not the way we would like it to be, we get busy looking for the external cause. But since we have very limited control over outside circumstances, its not the most effective place to target our energies.

On the journey toward creating the life we want, most of us eventually recognize that any changes we want must come from within – but perhaps you feel you have limited or no options to create a different situation. The good news is this is rarely, if ever, the truth. If there are areas in your life that are not matching your ideal vision for them, here is a powerful place to look:

What beliefs are you buying into that are getting in your way? And what if changing those beliefs was completely within your control?

If we hold beliefs that are working for us in our lives – ones that are creating peace, joy and positive motion – naturally it’s ideal to keep reinforcing them. This post is about the other kind of beliefs – the ones that keep us stuck, small, unhappy, fearful and limited.

What Are You Ready to Let Go Of?

I challenge you to pick one belief that’s holding you back. We all have them, but they are often so close to home that we don’t view them as beliefs – we think it is simply the way it is. It could be around any aspect of life – here are some examples:

  • money (I don’t have enough, I can’t figure out how to have more)
  • health (age = quality of health I can have, I’m too busy/tired to take better care of myself)
  • love (is complicated, hard to find, can’t be counted on)
  • opportunity (I would if only…)
  • time (…is in short supply)
  • career (I can’t change jobs, I need the security/income of my current one)

Pick one thing you believe that is not uplifting, empowering, and resourceful in your life. Something that doesn’t match what you actually want in that area. If you can’t think of anything, look at the different aspects of your life that are not working optimally. What you see there is a reflection of what you currently believe.

What If You Believed Something Else?

Once you have settled on one, ask yourself this: If I could believe anything I wanted about this thing, what would it be?

This can be an unsettling process, there’s a reason we believe what we do (usually has to do with safety and/or comfort). What we believe, on some level, makes sense to us. The problem is we don’t continually re-evaluate our beliefs to see if they make great sense. We rarely check in and ask ourselves:
Is this the most advantageous belief I can hold?
Is this belief is preventing me from living my life fully?

Using the examples above, here are some alternative beliefs that can help us to live the life we truly want:

  • money (My life is abundant; money flows easily into my world)
  • health (I feel younger and stronger every day; every cell in my body is infused with glowing vitality and perfect health)
  • love (is simple and effortless; is a fun adventure; adds richness to my life)
  • opportunity (I’m in charge of my life; I have endless opportunities)
  • time (I always have more than enough time)
  • career (What am I here to do? What are my gifts? How can I bring them to the world?)

I encourage you to step into new territory for a few moments and think big. No holding back. Imagine there are no limits to what you get to believe. If old, inhibiting voices try to creep in, notice them but do not allow them to take hold. Stay focused on connecting with your optimal vision.

What is one new belief that would change the game for you? Inspire you to open to life in a new way? Motivate you to take a risk or change a counter productive behaviour?

Take It for a Spin

For one week – act as if the new belief was 100% true. Ignore all messages to the contrary, just choose and commit to the potential truth in it. Write it on post it notes and put it everywhere, say it 100 times over in your mind, look for evidence of it in the world. Really step into it. Tell the contrary voices they get to have their say back as soon as the experiment is over.

Honour this trial with your whole heart – remember you’re exploring creating the life you want.

And watch what happens next.

Good to ponder:

“The very least you can do in you life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope, not admire it from a distance, but live right in it, under it’s roof.” – Barbara Kingsolver


This post was originally written for Hope Cafe in April 2012.

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Want More Happiness in Your Life?

Posted on April 17, 2012 by Liz

Happiness isn’t something that comes to us, it’s our job to create it in our lives, and the best way to achieve this is to do at least one thing everyday that leads to it.

Experiments in the field of positive psychology have proven that even small steps taken to create happiness have profound and lasting effects in our lives.

The thinking is that the formula “work hard, achieve success, be happy” is completely backwards. In order to be truly successful, happiness must come first.

Gather Your Tools

When we have a toolkit established of “happiness generating actions”, they become powerful allies in diffusing negative emotions such as anxiety, stress and depression. The problem with these negative emotions is that they severely limit our capacity to think clearly and problem solve effectively, so they interfere with successful outcomes. It’s helpful to be prepared with a strategy when they crop up.

Remember to Use Them

The good news is, no matter what emotions arise for us, there is room to work with them. For example, one random act of kindness, viewing something humorous, talking with someone you love, a few moments focused on gratitude, or a walk outside in nature all have the ability to instantly create a shift in your focus and expand your perspective, and the benefits last long after the action has passed. These actions are a few of several listed in a book called “The Happiness Advantage”, written by Harvard researcher Shawn Achor.

What Strengths Do You Naturally Possess?

Another tool suggested is to make a habit of exercising a ‘signature strength’ on a daily basis. The premise is that out of a list of 24 character strengths that contribute to human flourishing, we all have a “Top 5″ list that come most naturally to us. Once you have determined your signature strengths, the goal is to pick one and use it in a new way each day. I was a bit surprised to find my number one was Curiosity, and it’s been interesting coming up with unique ways to use it each day.  If you make it a game, the fun factor goes way up.

To learn your own top 5, you can take the free survey here. (When you are directed to the “Get your results” page, just scroll to the bottom for the free results option).

Good to ponder:

“The truth is that your outer conditions – your environment – are the expression of your mentality, and nothing more. They are not cause; they are effect. They do not come first; they follow after. You do not have faith because things are going well. They are going well because you have faith. You are not depressed because trouble has come to you, but trouble has come because your realization of the Truth had first fallen off. Man is not limited by his environment. He creates his environment by his beliefs and feelings. To suppose otherwise is like thinking that the tail can wag the dog.” – Emmet Fox

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The Fine Art of Dumpster Diving

Posted on February 16, 2012 by Liz

How open and curious are you when presented with an idea that seems contrary to your beliefs and values?

Are you leaning in, eager to hear more about this alternate perspective – or is your internal dialogue busy defending what you “know” and judging what you’re hearing.

The Urge to Close

A couple of days ago I had the opportunity to spend a day on a ski hill with a pretty cool 21 year old guy I was meeting for the first time. He was training me in some ski patrol work, so we spent the day together skiing runs, learning protocol and getting to know the hill. I was increasingly impressed with his maturity, calm manner and kindness, and had gained a lot of respect for him by mid-day.

As we sat having a brown bag lunch together at the top of the hill, he offered up that he hadn’t paid for groceries in over 3 months. When I asked how he had managed that, he replied, “Dumpster diving.”

That’s the moment, right there, when “what you know” steps in with a forceful, insistent opinion. The next words out of my mouth were something like, “Dude! Shut the front door! You can’t be serious…”

The Choice to Open

My initial response held a combination of aversion and fascination. A loud voice was saying, “Everything I know about this is wrong.” And then it occurred to me I really knew very little about it at all, and this was an opportunity to become more enlightened.

It took determined effort to relinquish judgement and really hear what he had to say, but he made a solid case for the overwhelming waste of food that exists in our society. His bins of choice are outside grocery stores that throw out enormous amounts of perfectly good food every single day. His opinion is that it simply doesn’t make sense to spend money on food while free food is sitting there for the taking, and he shared that the idea of doing so while people are starving in the world feels very wrong to him. In his mind spending his money to help those in need is a better use of it. (For the record, he is also on a mission to figure out a way to overcome obstacles to diverting that food into food banks.)

While I have no intention of changing my grocery shopping habits in the near future, and while his motives may be somewhat mixed, in the end I have to say that his rational for dumpster diving makes at least as much sense as my rational against it. (Unhygienic and just kinda ick). More importantly, in choosing to honor open-hearted curiosity instead of personal opinion, I saw a side of things I had not considered before, and that was an expansive experience.

While years of living fill us with volumes of knowledge and wisdom, I’ve found there is a lot of value in keeping a book of blank pages on the top of the pile, ready to be filled with what we don’t yet know.

Good to ponder:

“Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.” – John Kenneth Galbraith

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On Relationships

Posted on January 6, 2012 by Liz

Ready for a fresh, thought provoking take on relationships?

Yesterday I had the good fortune of coming across this delightful 10 minute talk by Mooji. He is a Satsang teacher – (reflecting on, discussing and assimilating truth) – and he has a very endearing way of sharing his wisdom. This talk is a simple, profound and intriguing perspective – well worth a listen.

(Please remember if you are viewing this post via email, you simply need to click on the post title at the top of the email and you will be directed to the video.)

Good to ponder:

“Satsang is the invitation to step into the fire of self-discovery. This fire will not burn you, it will burn only what you are not.” – Mooji

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Be Present this Christmas

Posted on December 23, 2011 by Liz

“Each moment is a place you’ve never been.” Unknown

I ran across this quote recently and absolutely fell in love with it. It is such a wonderful idea in that it has the power to captivate us and inspire curiosity about what is happening right here, right now – in this moment.

I wish us all the presence of mind to slow down this Christmas and be truly present and engaged in each moment as it unfolds. This is a gift we can give ourselves and those we are spending our time with that comes from the very essence of our being.

Merry Christmas to you and yours, with much love.

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The Joy of Not Knowing

Posted on November 19, 2011 by Liz

When’s the last time you were standing in the land of uncertainty, thinking how fantastic it was to not have a clue what was going to happen next?

Does this idea fill you with joy or dread? For most of us it’s a place we go to great lengths to avoid -  the less time spent here the better. There seems to be an idea that if we don’t know, it could be bad. In fact if we’re not directing it, it most surely will be.

There is a mixture of fear and anxiety that accompanies the idea of uncertainty, it’s hard wired into us, some left over survival mechanism. What’s crazy about this is we never know. How things will turn out. We can’t. Not ever. Yet the idea that we can is an illusion we cling to for dear life.

And then life keeps on happening. As soon as we have something taken care of, sorted out, dialed in and are breathing a sigh of relief, the next uncertainty presents itself.

It’s More Than Just Us

For every intention we have, for every step forward we take, a million other things are unfolding at the same time. And a number of them will have an impact on what happens next in our world. Because we don’t exist in isolation, we have very limited control over how things unfold. When you think about it, how cool is that? The whole universe is collaborating in the events of our lives – that’s pretty powerful stuff.

Embrace the Mystery

So what if we opened ourselves up to “don’t know”, in wonder at the mystery and the infinite possibility. What if we stopped trying to have such a tight handle on everything, steering earnestly and doing everything we can to keep the train on track. What if instead we rested in the belief that life is inherently good, the universe is on our side, and every experience has value.

Life is a process that continually responds to information – not step by step until it’s done. A wise mentor once taught me that trying to control how everything unfolds is like walking down a hallway slamming doors of possibility closed behind you. No room for life to breathe through you. No room for mystery, magic, infinite, gorgeous happenings far greater than one small self alone could possibly conjure up.

What if you opened yourself up to that?

Good to ponder:

“Faith means living with uncertainty – feeling your way through life, letting your heart guide you like a lantern in the dark.” – Dan Millman

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The Magical Power of Perspective

Posted on October 17, 2011 by Liz

Can you remember the last time you were even a little unsettled by how things were going in the moment?

Bet you don’t have to think that far back, there are all kinds of emotions that show up to mess with our peace:

  • impatience
  • agitation
  • anxiety
  • anger
  • fear
  • overwhelm
  • frustration
  • tension
  • uncertainty
  • embarrassment
  • disappointment

You know it because it feels like things are not flowing, energy is stuck, blocked, not moving freely. It’s usually accompanied by a sense of isolation or smallness, and a feeling of limited possibility. Not much joy here. And always, the undercurrent is: “This is not the way I want things to be.” (Add a little foot stomping for emphasis).

It’s Never ‘The way it is…”

Here’s a secret weapon to wield when you are stuck in a moment, an hour, a day or a life of wanting things to be other than they are – change your perspective.

It’s amazing how we get caught in believing that our current perspective is the absolute truth. Sometimes we’re so certain of it, we don’t even realize it’s a perspective. Yes, there’s truth in it. That’s the trap, because the part that’s true can convince us it must be the whole story. And if it’s the whole story, then we have no choice but to feel this way.

The good news is, there’s truth in a lot of other perspectives as well, and we get to choose whichever one is most resourceful in our life. Wanna feel better? Change your mind.

Choose Your State of Mind:

If what we believe is not working in our life – we have the option to change our belief. The first time I got this (a long way into life), it was a complete revelation. I’ve spent the last 15 years or so test driving it. It works. Every single time. The only way it doesn’t work is if (for a variety of reasons) we’re not willing to shift.

If you are willing, if you really want to shift to a better state and be free of the negativity swirling around in your space – here is one tool that can get you there:

 The Power of Reframing

First, get clear on what the issue is from a neutral, perspective free standpoint. Hate your job? The topic isn’t:

  • my crappy job
  • my boss sucks
  • I have to quit

These are all perspectives. The topic is simply “my job”.

Now, get clear on your perspective. Let it have a voice. No holding back, what are you feeling in this moment? About “your job.” Really dive in. Whatever it is, really immerse yourself in how it feels to hold that perspective as 100 % truth.

Here’s where movement comes in: it really helps to change your physical geography when you do this exercise. Turn yourself upside down. Get the chair spinning. Dance. Whatever works to change your alignment in space and your orientation to the moment will absolutely help to bust you out of whatever mind state you’re in. Move the body to move the mind. Now try on something radically different.

Really Step Out

Ask yourself “what’s another perspective?” The more different from the current one, the better. Nothing to lose. You get to have your current perspective back anytime you like. Just try something else on, and find the truth in it. Even if it’s only .01% true, see what it feels like to take it out for a ride.

Feel even just a tiny shift? Try another, the wilder the better. One of my favourites when I really feel pummeled by life is, “What if this was actually the best thing ever, and I just can’t see it right now?”

Feel like you’ve lost something? Ask,”What have I gained?”
Bad decision? “What did I learn?”
Mad at someone? “What’s a compassionate perspective?”
Feeling stuck? “What’s the flow perspective?’
Stressed? “What’s the lean back in my chair and relax perspective?”
Boxed in? Trapped? In the dark? “What’s the sun on my face perspective?”

It’s endless, just keep trying stuff on until you find one that feels true, and feels good. Then choose it. The first one will try to hang on for dear life, there are lots of reasons you were in it. Identify them, and let it go.

Claim your peace.

Good to ponder:

“A great attitude does much more than turn on the lights in our worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of serendipitous opportunities that were somehow absent before we changed.” – Earl Nightingale

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A Check in With Your Heart

Posted on October 6, 2011 by Liz

Steve Jobs was a powerful force in his short 56 years here and there are so many wonderful tributes to him online at the moment that it almost seems redundant to add another. But when someone who has completely changed the way our lives look leaves, it feels impossible to not reflect on their contribution.

Seth Godin wrote a beautiful and brief (7 sentence) eulogy that inspires some big thinking. Essentially he asks, “How do we take Steve’s contribution and use it to continue expanding what’s possible?”

You may have already seen his commencement address to Stanford University grads as it has gone viral in the last 2 days, but if it somehow slipped by your radar, it’s well worth a listen:

 

One of the great things about this speech is his view that there is no one right way, there must be your right way. I believe the key is to find it, and then navigate around all the things that rise up to interfere with it. They take on many forms, here are just a few:

  • self-doubt, fear, limiting ideas
  • allowing day to day life to hi-jack the dream
  • our ideas about what we ‘should’ (and should not) be doing (the guilt thing)
  • other’s expectations of us (this can be such a huge obstacle to following our heart)
  • prioritizing ‘making a living’ – and buying the idea that this precludes going for our dreams
  • lack of faith – that the path will unfold, that the money will come, that our hearts know the truth

What I love about Steve’s commencement address is that it sums up what he believes a great life is about. When’s the last time you stopped the doing of your life and sat quietly to contemplate what you believe a great life looks like for you? And checked in on how your days are lining up with that image.

For me, utilizing Steve Jobs’ amazing tools for communicating with each other as a way to reach farther seems a great way of expanding what’s possible from his contribution.

I am deeply committed to the idea that we are here to find what it is our heart wants, and step fully into it – for the purpose of living our gifts and using them to touch the lives of others in a powerful way. When I connect with someone who wants this for their life, partnering with them to make it happen is just about the coolest thing ever.

Energizing, inspiring, enriching, expanding, and a whole lot of fun. That’s a good barometer of heart alignment. How are you doing?

Good to ponder:

“Every decision you make – every decision – is not a decision about what to do. It’s a decision about Who You Are. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do.” – Neale Donald Walsch

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More Money Now? – or a Shift in Perspective…

Posted on September 28, 2011 by Liz

Quick – scale of 1 to 10 – how happy are you with the amount of money you have in your life?

I’m willing to bet that no matter how little – or much – you have, you didn’t rate it at a 10. (Perfectly happy.) If you did, lucky you. If you didn’t, welcome to the vast majority.

See what happens – try out a survey on your friends and let me know how many 10′s you get.

The Quest For More

Seems most of the time we are either striving for more, or worried about keeping what we have. It is a deeply ingrained part of our culture to believe more is better, that what we have is not quite enough. And this endless quest is one of the surest paths to discontent in the now, because more is a place we can never arrive at.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge believer that money brings all kinds of valuable, fabulous, life expanding experiences – and I’m in hot pursuit of the increased adventure, learning, cool stuff, and ‘doing good in the world’ that more of it provides.

But in chasing down this goal – wouldn’t it be great to feel completely satisfied now?

How to Instantly Get to 10

I was recently asked to rate my satisfaction with money, and I put it at a 6. But an interesting thing happened when I was asked what a 10 would look like. Up until that moment, I was sure it would look like, hmmm, let’s see – yep, more money and zero debt. Not so.

On reflection I realized that for me, a 10 would look like something that is available to me right here, in this very moment. A 10 would be to fully embrace the perspective that I always have access to everything I need and want, including the inner resources to manifest what is not yet here in my life.

Fresh air, fresh water, good health, food, shelter and lots of love. When those things are in place, everything else is icing on the cake. Yes – we need a plan in place to minimize debt and create a steady flow of income. And once that’s handled – it’s fun to explore even greater ways to be expansive around money.

But it is a truly open-hearted choice to find joy in the perfect sufficiency of what is already here. Choosing to come from that perspective plants us instantly in 10. It’s kinda like magic. Yay!

For a seriously perspective altering read on scarcity vs. sufficiency thinking check out:
“The Soul of Money” by Lynne Twist.

Good to ponder:

“The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.” – Bernard Meltzer

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A Surefire Route to Happiness Now

Posted on September 14, 2011 by Liz

I recently came across an interesting stat:

One third of Americans are dissatisfied with their lives. That’s 100 million people – living in a developed, relatively free and peaceful society.

A lingering sense of dissatisfaction when all of one’s basic needs are met can be linked to a variety of things. The most common biggies seem to be:

  • living life based on others expectations
  • allowing money or guilt to trap you in an unhappy situation
  • letting fear run your life
  • having less money or love than you think you need
  • an inkling that you’re not living your life fully
  • a pervasive feeling that you’ll be happy “when…”

 
As you become more and more mindful in your life and focus on navigating through these challenges – there is one immediate antidote to unsettled feelings that you can apply right now: a big healthy dose of gratitude. It is impossible to hold a grateful thought and feel dissatisfied at the same time. Impossible. Try it.

Here’s an interesting experiment:

Commit a full day to direct observation of this principle at work. Make it a point to notice each time you feel a sense of dissatisfaction arise, for any reason. Here are just a few possibilities:

  • an unexpected expense
  • not enough time
  • someone not complying with your idea of right behaviour
  • stuck in traffic, in line, in a less than ideal encounter
  • a project not going according to plan
  • wrong weather, wrong response, wrong choice…

There are sooooo many things that show up to mess with our peace.

Notice them as they arise, and for each one find something to be grateful for in that exact moment. Sincerely, authentically grateful. Then watch what happens to your state of being.
 
Here’s a moving 10 minute vid to fire up your imagination:


 

Good to ponder:

“There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.” – Buddhist proverb
 

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